landscaping horror: where diy meets wtf

One of my friends recently turned me on to Regretsy, a blog that gathers together some of the more unfortunate objects that earnest DIYers have made and posted for sale at the Etsy craft site.

I really like Regretsy’s tag line, “where DIY meets WTF,” and I’ve borrowed it for the subtitle of this quick post on a new garden space that went up in my neighborhood, a bit of landscaping horribleness that seemed perfect for Halloween.

I thank John for noticing it first and pointing it out to me, knowing how well I’d appreciate it. “It’s on the right as you head down the hill. You can’t miss it.”

Ah, what a wonder: plastic grass-colored indoor-outdoor carpeting, one of my personal favs…placed naturalistically between the sidewalk and the side fence…

But it gets better! Ever six feet or so, next to the fence, the designer has planted big red silk roses. I’m sure they were meant to coordinate with the red curb.

A garden made out of dead things emulating live ones. Zombies. Plastic roses. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

One of the dangers of having lovely flowers next to a public walkway is that someone might want to pick them.

One of the roses planted in this plastic lawn. Note the price tag still attached.

Could this be the latest avant-garde garden designed by Martha Schwartz, who’s incorporated plastic plants into her designs, as in her [ Splice Garden, at Cambridge’s Whitehead Institute ]?

No, sadly, probably not. But I will force myself to say something nice about it: At least it doesn’t require watering, except maybe to hose off the dust.

15 thoughts on “landscaping horror: where diy meets wtf”

  1. Truly it is where diy meets wtf. I guess some people really don’t want to have to water a garden. The best is the price tag still attached haha

  2. Interesting to compare it to Martha Schwartz. Personally I think it holds up as well as her stuff; it has just as much humor and commentary, with less self-importance. The picked rose is a genius touch, whoever picked it. An impressive addition to the neighborhood.

  3. Loree, have fun at Regretsy. I’m sure you’ll find some inspired wrongness there too!

    ~fer, nice touch, I thought. I really like labels on plants that I don’t know, but I don’t think they were needed here.

    Ryan, I’ll have to stand up for at least a little bit of self-importance every now and then. And who knows, maybe this garden was meant as a commentary on all the fake grass that’s going around and I just misinterpreted their intentions…

    Catherine, I think those roses would sooner walk on two legs than grow and bloom like real plants.

    Ruth, glad you enjoyed it!

    Wendy, well, yes, it IS low water, low maintenance, though somehow I’d have preferred bare concrete.

    Julie, maybe we could coin a new term: zero-scaping.

    Brent, evil thought for sure. I was out in the backcountry after our 2003 fires and found an area that had burned. All the plants were black, and then there was this vinyl fence, bright bright white and still standing, but melted into all sorts of contortions. If traffic control wasn’t in place I’d have stopped to take what I’m sure would be one of my favorite photos.

  4. My Grandmother would have approved! She used silks and plastics extensively outdoors. If it were in my neighborhood, I would regularly check on the plastic lawn and see which evil weeds can manage to spring up through it anyway…what kind of humus layer builds on top and what germinates in it. I would also likely add things to it–a barbie head to the stem where the rose used to be, perhaps. Playing on your GMO photography concept?

  5. All it needs is some plastic dog poo and the scene is complete. I realize people have different tastes, but sometimes I really wonder what goes through people’s heads. You’d have to get creative to fill that space, but it can be done.

  6. Well, on the one hand, yes, this is really elevating the sins of home gardeners to new heights. On the other hand, it bothers me just as much if people have only lawn or ivy and let their mow-and-blow guys take care of everything. At least this particular style of gardening requires no water and fertilizer (not to mention gasoline for the blowers & mowers and the trucks to get the guys to the garden).

    Still, a funny post ;->

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